Shibugakitai -- Enka nante Utaenai（演歌なんて歌えない）

Let's try to imagine a Johnny's Entertainment aidoru group nearing the end of its natural life as a unit and then their manager approaches them nervously. The manager then proposes an idea: "Have you lads ever thought about becoming enka singers?"

😱😨😬

Yeah, I thought as much.

That imagined reaction became a song written by Yasushi Akimoto（秋元康）and composed by Kimio Mizutani（水谷公生）titled "Enka nante Utaenai" (How the Hell Can We Sing Enka?), the 25th of the 28 singles that 80s aidoru trio Shibugakitai（シブがき隊）released in November 1987. I'm sure that much hilarity came out during the production of this one. After all, it's hard for me to imagine Fukkun, Mokkun and Yakkun donning suits and warbling into the mikes while cherry blossom petals fall delicately around them (although they do look good in their tuxes in the photo at the top).

"Enka nante Utaenai" isn't a parody of an enka tune at all, and I'd say that there really isn't any enka in there. It merely throws in that old Mood Kayo trope of "wa-wa-wa" background chorus and what sounds like a single pluck of a koto while the rest of the song contains a pretty frenzied pop/rock melody reflecting the guys' panic attack. Meanwhile, Akimoto's lyrics show them pitching a fit about being forced to croon about anything wabi-sabi. It's rock or nothing.

I actually have the song on an old compilation LP that I bought at Wah Yueh in Chinatown and was surprised that I had yet to cover it. "Enka nante Utaenai" peaked at No. 18 on Oricon. Perhaps it was fortunate that they weren't invited to the 1987 Kohaku Utagassen (their last appearance to date is 1986); could have been very awkward.😉

It's a bit ironic though that Akimoto contributed to this particular single for Shibugakitai since from his work with the female aidoru groups Onyanko Club（おニャン子クラブ）and AKB48, there have been at least a couple of graduates who've gone into the enka genre.