Nishino Kana 西野カナ - Torisetsu トリセツ

This is the first article about Nishino Kana 西野カナ.  I’ll tell you how I found out about her later but today let’s focus on her little cute song called Torisetsu トリセツ.

Nishino was born in 1989 in Matsusaka 松坂.  Wiki says she always interested in living overseas, and so she spent her 5th grade in Guam and she also spent 1 year in Los Angeles during her first year in high school.

Nishino debuted in 2008.  Wiki doesn’t provide a lot of details but apparently she went for an audition and later signed with SME records, a subsidiary of Sony Music.  Although she doesn’t compose her music, she pens the lyrics of most of her songs, despite having zero experience prior to her debut.

Torisetsu in Japanese is shorthand for Tori Atsukai Setsumei Sho 取扱説明書.  It means instruction manual or user manual.  It’s released in 2015 and reached #6 on Oricon.  I knew about the song when it’s first released.  I think many people, especially men, in Japan were offended.  I found the lyrics cute and was laughing hard when I first read it.  Basically, Nishino tells men how they should treat women (or is it really just her?) when they’re in a love relationship, and wrote an “instruction manual” in the form of a song.  It’s like Sada Masashi’s さだ まさし famous Kanpaku Sengen 関白宣言, only the role is reversed.  I can imagine why it can stir up controversy among Japanese men, or even women.  Here’s my English translation of the “manual”.  Feel free to point out any inaccuracies : )

Thank you for choosing Kana

Please take your time and read through this instruction manual before using it

You should always use the product appropriately and treat her with care

This is a special edition and there is no refund or exchange

Thanks for your understanding 

Kana may suddenly become moody

No answer will be given even if you ask

Nevertheless, she will become angry if you choose to leave her alone

Sorry

In such situation, don’t despair 

Engage and stay with her till the end

You should regularly praise her to ensure longevity of the product

For example, her beautiful nails or any other tiny changes in her appearance

Please pay close attention to such

However, for things like weight gain or any other unnecessary matters, you’re advised to pretend you didn’t notice

When the product gets a little old and you’re thinking of switching to a new one

Please remember the joy and excitement when you guys first found each other

Thank you and from now on please treat her well

Despite all the product’s shortcomings, please smile and forgive her

Alway value her

Lifetime warranty included

Unexpectedly send her even just one flower will get her thrilled

Especially on an ordinary day, send her small presents and it’ll be extra effective 

Good taste is crucial

Nevertheless, however short, however clumsy

A love letter is most appreciated 

When Kana cries

Softly wipe away her tears

Hold her tight in your arms

Remember, only you the product owner can fix her

Thank you and from now on please treat her well

Despite all the product’s shortcomings, please smile and nod for acknowledgement 

Always value her

Lifetime warranty included

Occasionally bring her with you on a vacation

Treat her to a nice dinner on various anniversaries 

Don’t say it’s not in your character

Act like a gentleman and escort her

With your broadest heart and deepest love

Accept the product as a whole package

Thank you and from now on please treat her well

Despite all the product’s shortcomings, please smile and forgive her

Alway value her

Lifetime warranty included

Interesting enough, there’s a boys group called HFU that responded to Nishino’s song with a man’s version of the instruction manual.  Here’s the MV and I think they’re pretty cool.

Here’s my English translation of the man’s instruction manual:)

Thank you for choosing me

Please read this instruction manual carefully before you use this product

If you’ve been faithfully staying by my side, I will protect you for the rest of my life

No refund or exchange is permitted though

Understand?

By default he is set to maximum “magnanimity” mode

Trust is foremost

For example, when he goes drinking with friends

Learn how not to worry and give him maximum freedom

“Manly” mode is automatically on when he is in front of others

It is his desire to show strong character

If he seems to be always bragging in front of his buddies

Just take a step back and let it go 

On the other hand, he might suddenly turn into a little sheep when only you two are together

“Too bad, is he broken?”, you may think

This is the time when he opens his heart to you

He has entered a privileged state that only you can see

If his “mood-meter” needle goes over the top

You might even get a surprise present

If he seems to be fed up with you....

I mean...there’re no other options

Just in case that happens

He doesn’t mean to leave you

Thank you and from now on let’s be nice to each other

Despite who I am you’ve always been by my side

In that case, let me take care of you for the rest of my life

That’s my lifetime warranty

Unexpectedly, he can be jealous at the tiniest thing

But he hates acting sissy

So, he tends to hide all his wounds and troubles

When he obviously talks less than usual

Or when his attitude seems cold

He may have his “act tough” switch on

To confirm that’s the case, try ask him, “Are you being sulky?”

If his answer is “No“, I’m afraid he’s probably lying

Thank you and from now on let’s be nice to each other

For who I am I already can’t live without you

Of course I’ll take care of you for the rest of my life

That’s my lifetime warranty

When watching TV, he’s fine with you adoring how cool and handsome Oguri Shun is

But if you were to go all the way and say, “I want to get married”

He’d think you’re ridiculous 

There’s no reason to get married

“Besides me, who else can be your husband?”

Thank you and from now on let’s be nice to each other

Despite who I am you’ve always been by my side

In that case, let me take care of you for the rest of my life

That’s my lifetime warranty

Enjoy!