Credits

I would like to give credit where credit is due. Videos are from YouTube and other sources such as NicoNico while Oricon rankings and other information are translated from the Japanese Wikipedia unless noted.

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Nishino Kana 西野カナ - Torisetsu トリセツ



This is the first article about Nishino Kana 西野カナ.  I’ll tell you how I found out about her later but today let’s focus on her little cute song called Torisetsu トリセツ.

Nishino was born in 1989 in Matsusaka 松坂.  Wiki says she always interested in living overseas, and so she spent her 5th grade in Guam and she also spent 1 year in Los Angeles during her first year in high school.

Nishino debuted in 2008.  Wiki doesn’t provide a lot of details but apparently she went for an audition and later signed with SME records, a subsidiary of Sony Music.  Although she doesn’t compose her music, she pens the lyrics of most of her songs, despite having zero experience prior to her debut.

Torisetsu in Japanese is shorthand for Tori Atsukai Setsumei Sho 取扱説明書.  It means instruction manual or user manual.  It’s released in 2015 and reached #6 on Oricon.  I knew about the song when it’s first released.  I think many people, especially men, in Japan were offended.  I found the lyrics cute and was laughing hard when I first read it.  Basically, Nishino tells men how they should treat women (or is it really just her?) when they’re in a love relationship, and wrote an “instruction manual” in the form of a song.  It’s like Sada Masashi’s さだ まさし famous Kanpaku Sengen 関白宣言, only the role is reversed.  I can imagine why it can stir up controversy among Japanese men, or even women.  Here’s my English translation of the “manual”.  Feel free to point out any inaccuracies : )

Thank you for choosing Kana
Please take your time and read through this instruction manual before using it
You should always use the product appropriately and treat her with care
This is a special edition and there is no refund or exchange
Thanks for your understanding 

Kana may suddenly become moody
No answer will be given even if you ask
Nevertheless, she will become angry if you choose to leave her alone
Sorry
In such situation, don’t despair 
Engage and stay with her till the end

You should regularly praise her to ensure longevity of the product
For example, her beautiful nails or any other tiny changes in her appearance
Please pay close attention to such
However, for things like weight gain or any other unnecessary matters, you’re advised to pretend you didn’t notice

When the product gets a little old and you’re thinking of switching to a new one
Please remember the joy and excitement when you guys first found each other

Thank you and from now on please treat her well
Despite all the product’s shortcomings, please smile and forgive her
Alway value her
Lifetime warranty included

Unexpectedly send her even just one flower will get her thrilled
Especially on an ordinary day, send her small presents and it’ll be extra effective 
Good taste is crucial
Nevertheless, however short, however clumsy
A love letter is most appreciated 

When Kana cries
Softly wipe away her tears
Hold her tight in your arms
Remember, only you the product owner can fix her

Thank you and from now on please treat her well
Despite all the product’s shortcomings, please smile and nod for acknowledgement 
Always value her
Lifetime warranty included

Occasionally bring her with you on a vacation
Treat her to a nice dinner on various anniversaries 
Don’t say it’s not in your character
Act like a gentleman and escort her
With your broadest heart and deepest love
Accept the product as a whole package

Thank you and from now on please treat her well
Despite all the product’s shortcomings, please smile and forgive her
Alway value her
Lifetime warranty included

Interesting enough, there’s a boys group called HFU that responded to Nishino’s song with a man’s version of the instruction manual.  Here’s the MV and I think they’re pretty cool.


Here’s my English translation of the man’s instruction manual:)

Thank you for choosing me
Please read this instruction manual carefully before you use this product
If you’ve been faithfully staying by my side, I will protect you for the rest of my life
No refund or exchange is permitted though
Understand?

By default he is set to maximum “magnanimity” mode
Trust is foremost
For example, when he goes drinking with friends
Learn how not to worry and give him maximum freedom
“Manly” mode is automatically on when he is in front of others
It is his desire to show strong character
If he seems to be always bragging in front of his buddies
Just take a step back and let it go 
On the other hand, he might suddenly turn into a little sheep when only you two are together
“Too bad, is he broken?”, you may think
This is the time when he opens his heart to you
He has entered a privileged state that only you can see
If his “mood-meter” needle goes over the top
You might even get a surprise present

If he seems to be fed up with you....
I mean...there’re no other options
Just in case that happens
He doesn’t mean to leave you

Thank you and from now on let’s be nice to each other
Despite who I am you’ve always been by my side
In that case, let me take care of you for the rest of my life
That’s my lifetime warranty

Unexpectedly, he can be jealous at the tiniest thing
But he hates acting sissy
So, he tends to hide all his wounds and troubles
When he obviously talks less than usual
Or when his attitude seems cold
He may have his “act tough” switch on
To confirm that’s the case, try ask him, “Are you being sulky?”
If his answer is “No“, I’m afraid he’s probably lying

Thank you and from now on let’s be nice to each other
For who I am I already can’t live without you
Of course I’ll take care of you for the rest of my life
That’s my lifetime warranty

When watching TV, he’s fine with you adoring how cool and handsome Oguri Shun is
But if you were to go all the way and say, “I want to get married”
He’d think you’re ridiculous 
There’s no reason to get married
“Besides me, who else can be your husband?”

Thank you and from now on let’s be nice to each other
Despite who I am you’ve always been by my side
In that case, let me take care of you for the rest of my life
That’s my lifetime warranty

Enjoy!

4 comments:

  1. Hi, Larry.

    Listening to "Torisetsu", I can hear the similarities between it and "Kanpaku Sengen" as well as read them. I think Nishino may have been inspired by good ol' Sada. It's nice to hear a contemporary singer sing something that's sounds a bit more old-fashioned.

    By the way, I met up with another friend today for lunch at a ramen place near Bathurst and Bloor called Santouka. The broth was appealingly creamy and the chasiu was very tender. Perhaps we can try it out next time you're in town. I think the ramen will be just right for the weather.:)

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    1. J-Canuck, I think I’ve been to the one on Dundas. I don’t think I’ve been to the one on Bloor. I think their ramen is good. Let’s go there next time. Santouka is also in San Francisco but it’s inside a foot court inside a Japanese supermarket. It doesn’t impress me though.

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    2. Hi, Larry.

      Yep, I've been to the one on Dundas a couple of times now. The Bloor street branch is still quite new but the ramen was really top-notch. I think we can definitely try that one the next time you come into town.

      By the way, commenter Kaz left a message on your very first article for "Kayo Kyoku Plus" about "Watarasebashi". He actually hails from Ashikaga!

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    3. Wow! Someone who actually lives there. Amazing. I’m very happy. This is the power of the Internet. I would never imagine someone across the Pacific would comment on my article. Thanks for notifying. I already replied.

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